Time to Talk – Blog 2: The Reality of Grief – Kyra Fehrman

Hello and Welcome to Sweeney’s Blogs!

Today’s blog is the secong blog in our Time to Talk series and is all about The Reality of Grief. The idea for the blog and the blog itself came from a new guest writer on the page Kyra Fehrman. It is Kyra’s first blog on the page so let us know what you think and if you want to see more from Kyra! Hope you all enjoy the blog and learn something new about grief!

January only has 31 days, however, for me, it felt more like 100. January was a long and arduous time, certainly one you wouldn’t qualify as the best start to 2020. We all have days where everything seems to go wrong, where the world seems to be fighting against you, creating misery and chaos wherever you go and in whatever you do. For me the battle seemed to last the whole month with my grandmother going into hospital on the 1st and then finally succumbing to pneumonia and end stage COPD on the 9th January and her funeral was the 28th January.

Grief is not fun I am sure no one needs to tell you that but what they don’t tell you is that the five stages of grief isn’t as easy as going from one to two to three etc. It is a stressful process, one minute you’re in shock, numb to the core unable to process the reality of your situation, next you jump to anger and you end up not knowing what is going on and what to do with yourself. You play the blame game take it out on those around you maybe after that you cry, sob your heart out over the loss.

What no one tells us is that you can be stuck in that vicious circle for a long time, my partner lost his mother almost ten years ago and he is still grieving, stuck in the numb phase unable to speak about it or face the reality of his loss. My point here is that you never stop grieving and it will have a major impact upon your mental health, before January I was a different person with a different mindset.  

Now after losing my grandmother I am seeing the world in a different light, faced with my mortality and the idea of my loved ones dying eventually has forced me to appreciate all the time I have with them. It is hard to talk about these things and a lot of people may say to you to just “move on” that they are in a better place and while the sentiment is nice it invalidates your feelings. You have every right to grieve your loved one and regardless of if they are in a better place or not they are not here with you, they are gone and all those things you would want to tell them, the jokes, the memories you’d want to remind them of you can’t.

Mental Health is a major topic nowadays with a rise in suicides, people taking anti-depressants and antipsychotics, we are in a mental health crisis and this post aims to encourage people to speak up. No matter how silly it may seem there is always someone out there who is willing to listen. If you are grieving a loved one and think life is not worth it anymore just remember this, they loved you with every fibre of their being don’t give up because they don’t want you joining them any time soon.

It is paramount that you look after yourself during these difficult times, hard as that may be, it’s crucial to remember that life will always go on and no matter what you will survive. You are strong enough to endure this pain help and support is out there. A light can be shone in even the darkest of places. Below are numbers and websites for Mental Health organisations.

Thank you all for reading! We hope that you have enjoyed today’s blog and have learned something new about grief! What do you think of today’s blog? Would you like to see more of Kyra’s blogs on the page? Has grief ever impacted on your life? How did you manage it? Let us know what you think in the comments below or on our facebook page.

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James

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